I Missed It

I went shopping with Dad and Alvah at Tyson’s Corner on Saturday. The mall that has the American Girl Doll Store.

They waited for me outside, and I took my merry time browsing all the different displays. Mary Kate and Amy weren’t with me this time, I was on my own. I had picked out a dress for Kit.

28 dollars.

I put it back. I don’t have money to spend on American Girl Doll clothes. I have to save my money for college, for gas, for a laptop to make my online class easier. I have grown up things to buy. I can’t afford doll clothes.

What I would do for a time machine right now. I would love to go back to when I was younger. To the days when boys had cooties and I saved up for Kit’s clothes and getting high meant my Mom’s cousin Robert would push me on the swings in Greenville Tennessee.

I loved the swings. That, and the dolls, are some things that I only pretended to outgrow.

I wanted to grow up so badly. I wanted dates and dances and driving. And now that I have those things, they lack luster. They aren’t the carefree innocence of swings and doll clothes and pigtails that I miss, that I remember trying to wish away, that I thought I had outgrown at 10.

I turned 11 November of my fifth grade year. Sure, I would play Polly Dolls on the weekends with Melanie. But I wouldn’t tell anyone. And neither would she.

We would swing, but only in the tree’s shelter of our backyards, never at the neighborhood park. We spent our 5th grade year planning stardom and first dates. At 11. The folly.

What was I thinking?

I want the days of puddle jumping back. Of addition fact tests and sight words and cooties. Of tag at recess and dress up in my play room attic and bed time at 7:30.

I remember yearning for high school. For lockers and leaving the house before 7 (that seemed so scandalous, I wasn’t allowed to get out of bed before 7), of spanish class and not having to sit at a particular table at lunch. Now high school is over half way over.

And I remember wanting a boyfriend to hang out with on Friday nights. I thought that that sounded so much cooler than Family Game Night, thought that anything he could offer me would be better than board games and homemade pizza dippers and popcorn and Three Stooges before bed.

I wish I could go back in time and relive those years. Because I was wrong.

Pizza dippers at my 10th birthday party, Ethan’s soccer game on Saturdays instead of constantly babysitting, all sooooooo much better than high school.

Life was easier when I wasn’t tall enough to see over the steering wheel, when dances contained the Electric Slide and were over as soon as recess was and when grinding was something on Alvah’s Backyard Skateboard Computer Game.

Being in high school isn’t the greatest thing ever. Being little was. When my tiny hand disappeared in my Dads and Granddad’s and no one else’s, when I had 3 minutes of homework instead of 3 hours, when soccer practice and Church and Church choir practice were the only times I left the house.

I want those days back. Even, if just for a moment. Just long enough to buy a 28 dollar doll dress. ❤

Burn up the interstate
Got somewhere you need to be, you’re
Not gonna let nobody slow you down
Turn off the radio and
Turn up your telephone
You don’t have the time to smell the roses now

But take a second maybe
Before it gets too loud
Breathe before your breath runs out

Don’t try so hard
To move past the moment
These days go by
And they’re gone before you know it
So come on, open your window
Let the light shine in
This is life don’t miss it

What if you took the time
To really soak it in
‘Cause someday you’re gonna wish you did

Like a September morning
Like snow without a warning
Like how the summer feels upon your skin

Take a minute maybe
Before the sun goes down
Breathe before your breath runs out

Don’t try so hard
To move past the moment
These days go by
And they’re gone before you know it
So come on, open your window
Let the light shine in
This is life don’t miss it

Just take a second maybe
Before the sun goes down
Breathe before your breath runs out

Don’t try so hard
To move past the moment
These days go by
And they’re gone before you know it
So come on, open your window
Let the light shine in
This is life don’t miss it
~Francesca Battistli

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