Providence: For When Your Calling feels like a Game of Telephone
God knows the desires of my heart, because He himself put them there. I know deep down I am called to a life of missions, as is every Christian. But I also know my future won’t fit into the cookie cutter “American Dream” box. I have no doubt I one day will buy a one way plane ticket to Latin America.
But this past semester I struggled with my calling. If I was called to go, why was I staying?
- The summer of 2013 I had a long term trip planned. Canceled.
- The summer of 2014 I had a trip planned. Canceled.
- And this summer. I was supposed to go to Honduras. And work in an orphanage. For reasons outside of my control, a few weeks ago it too was canceled.
And I was wrecked. Could God be trying to get my attention by closing all these doors? I knew that wasn’t the case, but it seemed so easy to believe. Both of my brothers are going to Honduras with my church to work in an orphanage. Neither one of them want to study missions or Spanish in college, and I study both. I was happy for them, but silently, privately, I grieved. Patience has never been a strong suit of mine, and this life of “waiting to go” has stretched me far beyond my comfort zone. I’ll stick with my own plan thank you very much. My plan does not include this waiting, this happy for them, private silent grieving. But my plan never works out, the Holy Spirit prods. So I submit to the waiting, once again.
Knowing that they were leaving the country and I again would be staying wasn’t easy.
But somehow, surrendering it to The Lord was. It’s funny. Surrender shouldn’t mean winning. But in this Christian life, it does. The victory has already been won. I just have to give up my selfish, carnal fight and let Christ win. I had to believe that God not only knew the desires of my heart, but that he had given them to me to bring glory and honor to his name. (Isn’t that what I claim to want: to bring honor and glory to His name?) And that in His time, he would give them to me.
And He did. In less than a month, I will join the team from my youth group to do missions work at an Orphanage in Honduras. I am spending the summer serving as Summer Intern for my youth group. Now, I will be serving alongside those very same students in Honduras. After a series of circumstances that can only be described as Divine Chaos, He is sending me.
And the name of the orphanage we will be serving in? Providence.